Going to the Chapel

I recently threatened - there is no nicer word - to withhold funding from my daughter if she moved forward with her plan to get her nose pierced. My wife pushed back. She is resistant to using a financial cudgel to coerce behavior from our children. But as they get older, the levers available to pull to incent appropriate behavior are diminishing.

So I have floated the question to both my coworkers and classmates as to whether a father's financial obligation to his son ends with the son's marriage. Opinions, as you would expect, are mixed, but most feel that yes, financial obligations end once children take on adult responsibilities.

I am very happy for my son and his fiancee. They will have a rich life together. They are both smart, motivated, hard working. I worry about them in this economic climate, as they make their way in the world. I will help them out as much as I can, but also feel that marriage means one takes on the responsibility for supporting one's own family.

My wife will probably countermand me. She will want to support them, take them in, help them get their lives together launched successfully. We will clash on the meaning of independence, on the responsibilities early marriage imposes upon the couple. I will insist that if they are making this choice, they need to live with the consequences. I look forward to the debates.

Maybe he will surprise me with his plan. Maybe he has it all figured out. It wouldn't surprise me, as both he and his fiancee are pretty resourceful. Or maybe they are just starstruck, captivated by the thought of spending the rest of their lives together. We'll see.